Friends, lovers, Pulisic fans,
Welcome to today’s Friday the 13th edition of Straight Outta Hershey, in which we honor the goddess within us, since that is apparently traditionally what Friday the 13th was all about until it was demonized by the evil patriarch. But today we take it back! We are all goddesses, albeit some of us male. Like Cha Boi, for example. And maybe Jadon Sancho, too. And of course Bianca Andreescu, who recently won the US Open in tennis.
Before we go any further though can you just take a quick peek at the featured image for this blog post? Look at Christian Pulisic and Jadon Sancho, going head to head in a USMNT vs. England national team game. Look at the passion on both of their faces, and — look quick! — how their arms are so delicately intertwined, a dance of friendship and camaraderie but also one of competitive zeal. Ahhh, my friends, but fall is in the air! The season when a young man’s fancy quickly turns to love. Or is it indifference? Ahhh, my friends…
Anyway. Let’s talk just a TINY bit about this Chelsea vs. Wolves game tomorrow out in Wolverhampton. Folks, I think Christian Pulisic will actually start again. Hudson-Odoi isn’t QUITE fit yet (he played for the U-23 team today and didn’t score), and since Hudson-Odoi is basically the dude who’s gonna replace Puli should Puli start to play like shit, we’re good for a little while longer. In fact, should Puli play how I think he’s going to play tomorrow, I think we’re gonna be good for a lot longer. You see, Pulisic’s probably a bit frustrated after what happened against Mexico recently. And you might think that that would make him play bad tomorrow, when the exact opposite is actually true. Christian responds to diversity, and responds well. If he starts tomorrow, expect his performance to be gangbusters.
Can we talk a little about Josh Sargent now? Just for like two seconds? Josh Sargent should PROBABLY START tomorrow against Union Berlin, especially since Maximilian Eggestein, everyone’s 18th favorite German midfielder, is out with some kind of injury. Even if Eggestein was healthy, everyone with an ounce of brain matter knows Sargent should still start, except of course head coach Florian Kohfeldt, who seems purgatory-bent on sidelining Sargent until he either A) turns 60 or B) learns German. Since everyone knows the latter will never happen (or the former, for that matter; stars don’t die; they only go down in flames), we have to wait for Kohfeldt to see the proverbial light when it comes to his 19-year-old phenom striker.
Should Sargent start again tomorrow, and should he score again, his position in the starting lineup might just be solidified and congealed like big fat scoop of collagen peptides. I think it’s decently likely Sargent scores should he start tomorrow against Union Berlin. I think it’s decently likely Pulisic scores against Wolves tomorrow. I think it’s decently likely Chelsea win, but I don’t think it’s that likely Werder Bremen win. In honor of Bianca Andreescu, winner of the US Open, and also in honor of the original significance of Friday the 13th, I will give my prediction for the score lines in tennis terms.
Chelsea vs Wolverhampton: 6-1, 6-7, 6-4, 6-3
Bremen vs. Union Berlin: 6-7, 6-4, 6-7
If you don’t understand this, don’t worry: I don’t really understand it either.
But I like it.