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Greg Berhalter Makes Me Sad | Straight Outta Hershey

Greg Berhalter Makes Me Sad

I don’t have a lot to say about Chour Boi today that I haven’t already said this week in the titillating preview I wrote for tomorrow’s Chelsea vs. Sheff United game. Of course, I could talk about the upcoming international break and Chour Boi’s selection for this squad. Apparently, Greg Berhalter, neptotism’s favo(u)rite coach, said he envisions Pulisic in more of a “No. 10” role, aka the role Christian Pulisic was born for, aka the role I was born for, aka I’m probably going to go back to Trader Joe’s in like 10 minutes just so I can get a few more coffee samples.

Why can’t they just give me a huge-ass dixie cup?

Though Berhalter seems hell-bent on messing up everything he possibly can by playing players from a league called Major League Soccer, or something to that effect, even though he’s got much better players in Europe, he at least did call up Josh Sargent, the United State’s best striker, for this squad. For whatever reason Berhalter decided to leave Sargent OFF the Gold Cup squad. I thought this might kind of be a good thing, since Florian Kohfeldt, Werder Bremen’s Big Bad Boss, sounded like he was going to play Sargent more as a result. He’s done no such thing. Sargent didn’t even PLAY last weekend against Hoffenheim, a sin for which Kohfeldt should be punished using bamboo poles by school headmistress with unusually lively wrists. Who knows what Kohfeldt is thinking. At this point, I have no idea. Sargent’s quality is undeniable. “Oh, he’s not ready,” Kohfeldt says. Florian Kohfeldt, you’re not ready to be a Bundesliga coach. You should be third tier coaching the Würzburger Kickers, though I’m not sure you’re even qualified for that.

In other news, I need to stop writing these posts at the library, since there is always someone within two feet of my person, muttering to themselves, usually toting some kind of canine.

The guy to my left just said to no one in particular, “What the fuck do you want?”

There is, of course, plenty of news to report on about Chelsea. The group stages for Champions League, for example, have been decided. There was a time two years ago, when Pulisic played for Dortmund, where every morning I’d wake up and play this song:

What fuel to get me through the day! I’d sing along in French, in German, in all the official languages of UEFA. I’d head out into the world ready to tackle whatever the day could throw at me, which at that time was usually 26 community college students who hated Spanish but for some reason or another had to take it. Ahh, the memories.

But now I’m going to leave this library. I would say that 75% of the time I go to a Seattle Public Library I feel unsafe.

Keep up the good work, guys!

Pulisic tomorrow 7:00am PDT.

Be there or be tetrahedral.


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